30 Days Thursday: Day 11

Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

Easy enough :)

1. Kings of Leon - Red Morning Light
2. The Black Angels - Sniper at the Gates of Heaven
3. The Black Angels - Young Men Dead
4. Taylor Swift - Mean
5. Taking Back Sunday - Slowdance on the Inside
6. Adele - Turning Tables
7. Underoath - A Boy Brushed Red...Living in Black and White
8. Flyleaf - So I Thought
9. The White Stripes - Now Mary
10. Arcade Fire - Black Mirror

My music taste is all over the place, so make what you will of it haha

30 Days Thursday: Day 10

Discuss your first love and first kiss.

   Hmmm. Well, let's see. My first kiss had nothing to do with my first love. I guess you would count this kiss, haha. It was when I was really young. I can't remember what age I was, but I was in elementary school. My neighbors, a family a house down from us, were my best friends and every chance we got we were together. Their names are Charlie, Whitney, and Clint. Charlie (a girl) was my oldest brother's age, Whitney was my age, and Clint was a couple of years younger than us. All of us kids were stuck to each other like glue including my other brother, Cody. So, you might be able to guess that we all had our first kiss from each other. That sounded weird...My oldest brother had his first kiss with Charlie, Cody with Whitney and I with Clint. It still sounds weird, haha.

   It was just one of those things where kids tease each other and pressure you to hold hands or peck on the lips or something. It was really silly and thats why I don't know if it counts.

   Now, my first love. I think that happened in 8th grade, and coincidentally was someone I just blogged about the 30DT before last. Yup, it was Jacob. I just remember being completely infatuated with him. At the time I was going in the wrong direction in my life. Yes, I was only in 8th grade, but here where I grew up not a lot of kids are into normal kid things. Ninety percent of my friends (the ones I hung out with the most) were into getting high, drinking, and fighting. I sort of followed along with that, because a big part of me didn't really know anything else...until I met Jacob. He showed me different music, stuff I never heard before. It made me think about the world differently. He also spoke differently than the people I surrounded myself with. He was/is very poetic when I was used to slang. He really taught me a lot without even trying.

   I think that's why we can still be friends. There is a mutual appreciation for each other that isn't forced. We don't have any real mutual friends pushing us together. It just is. And although I still believe it was actual love then, it grew into an admiration and appreciation and a definite friendship that will last forever.

30 Days Thursday: Day 9

How you hope your future will be like.

   Really, all I want for my future is to be with the man that I love, have a job that I love and excel at and have children.  I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life career wise. It's sort of all over the place. So, I just want to have figured that out some time in the future. I've always wanted children and I think I'm pretty good with them. I've been babysitting for years now and did it when I was younger too. And when I say babysitting, I don't mean for a few hours. It has been a full time job and sometimes more than that. I've really gotten used to how to take care of them. I want to be the best mommy ever :)

   I also really want to travel. Of course I would like to travel over seas, but I'd also just like to see more of the states. I think a lot of people take for granted what places we have here and I want to see it all!

30 Days Thursday: Day Seven

 

Your Zodiac Sign and if you think it fits your personality.

I happen to be a Leo, born August 15th and I'm very happy to be a Leo :) This is what this site says about my sign:

The zodiac signs and meanings of Leo is about expanse, power and exuberance. Leo’s are natural born leaders, and they will let you know it as they have a tendency to be high-minded and vocal about their opinions. That’s okay, because if you observe, the Leo is usually correct in his/her statements. Leo’s have a savvy way of analyzing a situation and executing swift judgment with a beneficial outcome. It comes from being a leader. They are brave, intuitive, and also head-strong and willful. Beneath their dynamic persona lies a generous, loving, sensitive nature that they do not easily share with others. They might be a bit bossy, but those who know them understand this comes from a source need to do good, not (usually) from an inflated ego. 

   I've seen many of the forwards that tell you about your sign and I think they have all been pretty spot on. I don't know if I'm so much a leader in my daily life now, mostly because I have no need to be. But when I was in high school and somewhat in college, I definitely think I was. I wasn't into sports or anything, so not in that way, but when there were group discussions or projects that needed to be done I was often the one to try to lead everyone in the right direction. I always heard that Leos always want to be the center of attention and I was like that back then too. I don't think I ever did it in a bad/annoying way though. I was just kind of loud and goofy with my friends and was the center of attention that way. I certainly had my moments of being a loner though, but the latter outdid the loner most times.  
   I've changed quite a bit since then. I guess you can say its just from growing up and whatnot, but I know its also from my weight gain since high school. My personality has been at a decline ever since I started to gain weight and have an awful self image. I'm trying to change that now though. It's never too late to change what you can't learn to love. Its weird for me though, I see other "bigger boned" girls and think they are so pretty! But with myself it just doesn't fit. Like most people who have gained unwanted weight say, I feel like a "skinny" girl in a fat suit. I guess it has a lot to do with confidence too, but I don't see how I can get enough confidence when I don't like what I see. Don't get me wrong, I have confidence in myself and I think that's a big reason why I've been able to lose weight recently. I've been thinking so much more positively about my self image and trying not to think how I don't like my body now, but how much it gives me now and how much better I can make it. Okay, I'm rambling now and it's not even what the post is about, haha. See you tomorrow with my Friday Favs! 

Oh and hey, this has nothing to do with anything (which is usually the case with things I have to say), but if you ever wonder why my blog is named The Wood Grain Whale...this little guy is my inspiration behind that :D

 I got him from urban outfitters a couple of years ago if it wasn't already obvious :)

30 Days Thursday: Day 6 (30 "Interesting" Facts)

30 interesting facts about yourself

I think these might just be facts, not so sure about the interesting part :\

1. I'm 21 and still have yet to get my drivers license (not sure if that's interesting or just negligence haha, but something always comes up when I feel ready to take the test and my mom was always too scared to teach me to drive so it took me a while to teach  myself with friends)

2. Since the age of 10 I've lived on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. I was born and raised up until that point in the south (born in Mississippi, raised in Alabama). It was difficult growing up as the minority (being white in a population of almost 100% Native American) , but I did and and learned so much from the culture.

3. The only family I've had up here has been my mom and one of my brothers. Thats it.

4. I was a premature baby and everyone thought I wasn't going to make it out of the hospital, but here I am! :)

5. My natural hair is dirty blonde but I always feel its too bland and yearn to dye my hair red again and again every day.

6. I used to tan when I was little, now I'm just too pale and I burn. I don't really mind. I think I would look weird with a tan haha.

7. I don't really like going to theatres all that much. I would much rather watch a movie at my house. I guess I'm a home body. Plus a lot of the seats are really uncomfortable.

8. I absolutely hate dry things! Especially if my hands are dry and I have to touch something thats dry, such as paper or a chalk board. I used to have a hard time doing work in school because I couldn't touch my paper or go up and do a problem on the board.

9. I still don't know what I want to do with my life

10. I went to school for photography, but left after the first year because too many people said I shouldn't do it. Now I wish I ignored everybody.

11. I met Alanis Morrisette at a Sundance

12. My arms are double jointed. I always thought everyone could twist their arms like that.

13. I always keep my phone on silent. So, I tend to miss phone calls a lot.

14. Being in the dark room developing pictures is one of the most relaxing things I've ever done and I always miss being able to even though I wasn't that great at it.

15. I've been babysitting on and off (mostly on) for almost 3 years, yet I still go back and forth on if I want kids. It'll most likely happen when I'm a lot older. 

16. I have hardly any patience. 

17. My pinky and knees pop when I bend them :\

18. I think I was pretty much born accepting of different cultures/sexual orientations, etc. As racist as some of my family can be, I've never agreed with it.

19. I can go all day without eating, but  I get super hungry at night whether I eat earlier or not.

20. I got hit in the face with a baseball while pitching once when I was younger and after that I always played outfield. 

21. I had 2 really crappy step dads in my life and my real dad wasn't around much, yet I still have faith in good men and always have. I just told my mom that she picks the wrong ones.

22. I still get shocked thinking that I've been with someone for over 5 years! And that you can meet someone at age 16 and still be crazy in love with each other when you're almost 22.

23. I have a habit of touching my nose to my lips and making formations. I know, it sounds weird (and it is), but I've been doing it since I was little and so it just happens.

24. I bruise super easy! My brother would always pinch me or barely hit me and it would hurt so bad, because it was forming a bruise and he never understood it. Always heard the phrase "I didn't even hit you that hard!" Well, it still hurts A-hole.

25. I think my eyes are super sensitive to the sun, because I'm constantly squinting even with my glasses on and I'm worried I will get those worry lines, haha.

26. When I'm nervous I clench my fists really tight

27. Sometimes when me and Danz are laying down I start to rub my finger on his shower or my foot on his leg making patterns and I don't realize I'm doing it until he asks me what I'm doing.

28. I used  to never wear my glasses at school. I would only put them on to read what was on the board and then take them off and repeat that until class was over. I probably looked more stupid than I would have if I would've just worn the glasses.

29. I take too many pictures. My ipod is constantly getting filled up just from photos so I have to empty it. My computer as well.

30. I took dancing lessons when I was younger until my dance teacher moved. I always wished I couldve kept dancing, it was my favorite.

Other 30 Days Thursdays: Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four, Day Five

30 Days Thursday: Day Five

A time you thought about ending your own life.

Never. Not seriously anyways. Of course I've had horrible days where I didn't think I could go on, but I honestly think life is so precious and that ending your life would be very selfish. Also, never in my life have I taken things for granted that way. My life is not as great as others, but definitely not as bad as most. It would be down right ungrateful thinking my life is worth ending when other people have it far worse.

Other 30 Day Thursdays: Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four

30 Days Thursday: Day Four

Your views on religion.
Well, I went to a Lakota Catholic school from 5th grade until I graduated. Lakota being the tribe of the Native American's that live here. So, the school focused on teaching both Lakota values (very one-with-earth type customs. They have a saying "mitakuye oyasin" that means we are all related) and Catholic values. We had to attend mass once a week all throughout middle school and take a religion class every year up until graduation. It was a very lenient school though. No real dress code and most of the teachers were young volunteers and were very laid back. I always leaned toward the Lakota teachings rather than Catholic. I didn't grow up with any religion shoved at me unless you count my grandmother giving me bibles all the time and taking us to church when we were little.

I know not all Christians or Catholics are like this, but I never liked the bible thumpers shoving their beliefs down your throat and everything is a sin blah blah blah. Lakota values teach you more about respecting others, yourself and the earth and I think that is what matters most in life. I also think religion causes too much controversy. There are so many wars on religion and hate crimes because of it. I say, to each his own but it really just gives everyone something to hate in another person.

Other 30 Day Thursdays: Day One, Day Two, Day Three

30 Days Thursday: Day Three

 

Your views on drugs and alcohol:

Well, I guess I should first say that yes I have smoked weed before and I've been to parties with alcohol and did my fair share of drinking. With that said, it was all when I was very young. I was in with the wrong crowd of kids and just kind of followed along with what they did. I never thought it was "the cool thing to do", I just kind of did it. I quickly realized how wrong it was and got away from those people and surrounded myself with better friends. 

After that, I've always thought that drinking beyond social drinking and/or being sober was ridiculous. I thought the stoner kids in school were some of the most ignorant people I've ever met and that it had to be a problem they had and showed how weak they really were. It was always something I thought was a way to deal with problems momentarily and didn't agree with it.

I still hold on to that belief. I still know a lot of people who have drug and alcohol problems as a lot of people where I live do and I have seen how it affects their life and I don't agree with it. It has messed my family up before, therefore I have good reasons for not agreeing with it.

For people who use marijuana for medical reasons or people who drink socially without making themselves black out...thats fine. It is all your preference and I will not judge. Its not my cup of tea, but to each his own (so many cliches! haha).

Other 30 Days Thursdays: Day One, Day Two

30 Days Thursday: Day Two

Where you'd like to be in then years.

Hmm...this is such a difficult question for me, because I really don't know what is going to happen with anything this whole year so its really hard for me to say where I'll be in ten years. I would really like to have a family by then and obviously have a career. That career though is the thing I am stuck on. Everything else I'm sure of, but I still am not sure about what I want to be when I grow up. A lot of times I can't sleep at night, because I'm 21 years old and have still not answered that question. I've been going to school for nursing the past couple of years, but that has been mostly my mom's decision and because I was so unsure even then, I just went with it thinking it will all work itself out eventually.

It really hasn't and I'm still undecided if I should finish up with nursing or follow my dream as a photographer. I just always question my abilities to do photography so thats the hard part.

I don't know. I guess I'm all over the place and this is becoming a rant, haha. I guess in ten years I just want to have had a decision made and be starting a family. I've always wanted kids and I have always admired mother's that are really good to their children. My mom took care of the necessities for the most part as we grew up, but I don't think any of us have grown really close to her. She works 12 hour shifts as a nurse and night shifts at that and has done that since we were little. So, we rarely got to see her anyways. I want to be different from that. I want to be close with my children and give them strong values and options in their life. Yeah.

Other 30 Days Thursday: Day One

30 Days Thursday: Day One

So, I'm going to start this 30 day challenge thing that is usually for Tumblr, but I usually forget to post those type of things on Tumblr and I think I'm more likely to post it on here and keep up with it :) 

Instead of doing it every day I'll do it one day a week (Thursday obviously) for 30 days. Welp, here goes day one.

Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

 

(one of our first photos together and it was an inside joke we were definately not serious lol)

I am in a relationship with my wonderful boyfriend of 5 years. His name is LaDanza (sounded out like Tony Danza) We met on accident 3 different times before getting together all three times because of a mutual friend. The first at one of his skate competitions, the second because the mutual friend of ours (Juwan) came to see me and had Danza give him a ride, and the third and final was at a homecoming dance for my high school which he didn't go to. I wasn't even going to go to the dance, because I wasnt sure if my friends would be there or not, but I got terribly bored and went on a whim. He tagged along with Juwan who went to school there. Juwan ended up ditching him for some girl and I was there still looking for my friends so we got stuck together. It turned out to be an intersting night. He was being really cute trying to steal my phone from me so he could hold my hand and all of that. The whole night we sat in a corner by ourselves just flirting and joking. 

 

(back in 2007 when he had a blonde patch in his hair haha I def miss how I looked back then)

 

I decided I wanted to go home so I called for my ride and he walked me outside to wait. While we were standing there he leaned in to kiss me. I was seriously taken aback. I though he was way out of my league and there was no way he would like me. But he did :) Anyways, after that I left and ended up getting our car rammed into the back by another car while we were turning into our drive way and I had to go to the hospital for x-rays because I couldnt move my back since I hit it off jack, but I was fine.

 

(another one of our old photos together :) )

The next day he called me though and we hung out that night and have been together ever since.

We had a ton of ups and downs in the beginning because of exes, but once it got cleared up everything was smooth sailing. We met when we had both just turned 16 and are both now 21. His birthday is only 5 days before mine, to the date. And now we are engaged :) 

Here are some more random/old photos:

 

 

(I believe this is the 1st pic I ever took of him)